The Dord of Darien

Musings from the Mayor of the Internet


Super Mario Galaxy: First look

What can I say? It’s a new Mario game, and I’m a sucker for that sort of thing. I’ve only thrown a few hours into it yet, but it’s fun so far. A bit heavy on the regrettable minigames, but, hell, it’s a 3D platformer. What did you expect?

It’s a Mario 64-series game, which means that pretty much all the familiar Mario 64 moves are available; you get all of Mario’s various Mario 64 jumps, but you don’t get to punch. Instead you get a spin move and a star gun, which is sort of kinky. Mario gets a bunch of different "forms" this time around, of which I’ve only played with two: Bee Mario and Rainbow Mario. The latter is a timed invincibility, and the former is the jetpack from Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando.

In fact, the whole game sort of seems like Mario in a Ratchet & Clank game. A bit less on the shooting, of course, but the same style of platforming, complete with spherical worlds and the R&C jetpack. Oh, and the regrettable minigames.

November 16th, 2007 Posted by | Games | no comments

It’s good to have a direction in life

Hey gang, Norman Mailer died. You don’t have to read that article, but, man, check out the headline his front-page obituary in the New York Times had: "Norman Mailer, Towering Writer With a Matching Ego, Dies at 84." I’ve decided that another goal for my life is that, when I die, I want the first line of my obituary – the headline if I warrant some sort of disguised-as-news-hey-it’s-a-slow-day obituary – to talk about what a giant, overblown ego I had.

November 13th, 2007 Posted by | My new goal in life | no comments

Film at 11: Prince Malchezaar Dies

Finally, the video of our latest Prince Malchezaar kill is ready! Check it out here. I’m the little shiny thing taking all the hits. Who woulda thunk I have a natural talent for getting other people to hit me?

November 11th, 2007 Posted by | World of Warcraft | no comments

Moroes the easy way… unless you’re chicken!

Here‘s a video of our group punking Moroes with no crowd control at all. It’s a bit hard to make out what’s going on, but for the first two minutes I’m on the left side of the frame tanking all of Moroes’ adds while everybody else kills them, and after that I’m the stupid tiny spinny thing with the Big Sword.

November 10th, 2007 Posted by | World of Warcraft | no comments

Video Game Glossary: Principle of Arsenal Equality

Inspired by Roger Ebert’s Movie Glossary, I’m going to start writing a Video Game Glossary. That’s what this category is for. Hence why it’s called that.

For the first installment, I’ll talk about the Principle of Arsenal Equality, which is the rule that states that, in a video game, all levels of weaponry are equivalent. A character armed with a sword, or a knife, or even with bare hands, is at no disadvantage against an opponent with a gun, a tank, a missile launcher, or any combination of the above. Examples: Metal Gear Solid, Baten Kaitos, any Final Fantasy game, Strider, Rush’n Attack

November 8th, 2007 Posted by | Video Game Glossary | no comments

The second-most fun thing to do with lines

This is about the most absurdly fun thing I’ve seen in quite a while.

And if you want to see something wild, check this out.

November 6th, 2007 Posted by | Games | no comments

Wormer, he’s a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Prince Malchezaar…

Fucking dead. One shot, one kill. We even tacked on that Illhoof punk for good measure. Now there’s just Nightbane left. Let’s see if we can get him before Zul’Aman comes out.

November 3rd, 2007 Posted by | World of Warcraft | no comments

A-Rod just got served

Pwnt. Fuck that guy anyhow.

November 2nd, 2007 Posted by | Baseball | no comments

Bigfoot news flash!

This just in: new photographs of Bigfoot have surfaced! This must be for real; Fox News would never report on a story unless it was of the utmost social importance and also fair and preferably balanced.

You see how the Pennsylvania Game Commission is trying to be all sensible and say "hey now, that might not be Bigfoot?" Well, that guy knows better. Follow the link to his web site for the best part: find the ugly hard-to-read green box for the guy’s long-winded rant about how the Pennsylvania Game Commission is a bunch of lying liars who were forced, through the brave actions of a state senator, to revise their position on mountain lions from "there are no mountain lions in Pennsylvania" to the vastly different "no studies show that there are mountain lions in Pennsylvania." You hear that, Pennsylvania Game Commission? We’re on to your bullshit Bigfoot denials!

November 1st, 2007 Posted by | Bullshit | one comment

Why I didn’t like Kingdom Hearts 2 reason #4: Goofy’s death scene

So there’s this long-ass boring fight where you have to kill a thousand nobodies (no joke!), and then after that you meet back up with Mickey, Donald, and Goofy. Then from out of nowhere, this damn great rock falls out of the sky and kills Goofy. Set aside for the moment how absurd and insulting it is for a major character to be killed arbitrarily by an accident after the huge fight is over and you’ll probably get stuck with the same problem I had.

The problem, clearly, is that nobody is fooled into thinking that Goofy is actually dead. We’re smarter than that. We know that Disney would never go for that, and so this whole thing is a complete fake-out. And of course we’re right, and proven right almost immediately, since Goofy’s return from the dead is maybe five minutes later. He just walks back on in and everyone’s all “Goofy, you’re alive?” and then he says “yup” and life goes on. The entire death scene was a cheap attempt to get a knee-jerk emotional reaction out of the player; the designers were perfectly aware of how boring this section of the game was and how this whole big "war" was completely uninvolving since the players have no connection to the world or characters involved in it, so instead of reworking it they added a ten-cent character death. The whole scene could have been replaced with a title card reading "Pathos!" and yielded exactly the same effect. Except I’d probably be writing about how funny it was instead of how stupid it was.

November 1st, 2007 Posted by | Games | no comments