When Xenoblade Chronicles finally blessedly came out in very north America, I suspected that I really liked it. I wasn’t sure, though, because I was paranoid about Monolith, especially as regards games with "Xeno" in the title. But now I’m a hunnert percent sure I loved it. Why? Because I watched this trailer — which is awful — and it really made me want to play Monolith’s upcoming Xenoblade knockoff on the Wii U, especially if they manage to brown it down 40% or so. Seriously, game developers: what is it about HD that makes you think "brown?" Do you think the D stands for "brown?" In your world, does it mean "high drabbonnation?" Honestly, Xenoblade Chronicles — which I realise was on the Wii, what with its fewer triangles than the competition and that — had utterly captivating environments. Yeah, the faces weirdly looked like shit — I played Last Story too, so I know you could have done better — but the environments kicked my ass since no environments had since Super Mario Galaxy (and before that: mofo Zangarmarsh). So if you fuckers take all those extra Wii U triangles and paint them all brown, I will kill you all in your sleep. With rape bees. Which are like normal bees except you fill in the blanks since you’re all such goddamn geniuses and also you’re Japanese and so oh hey about that.
Seriously, how can I disable Swype on the Kindle Fire HD? It’s making me want to kill myself and also Rihanna but that’ll be another blog for another day.