The Dord of Darien

Musings from the Mayor of the Internet

Fuck the heck?

No, seriously: fuck the heck?

August 27th, 2009 Posted by | Games | no comments

Blood and gore and bones and intestines

Wired has an interview with Blizzard’s Jay Wilson which is mainly about the mature content in Diablo III, and about the interviewer’s apparent shock that Wilson allows his nine-year-old daughter to play a gory game. Wilson makes a number of good points about how different segments of the public perceive different types of content as more or less objectionable than others, and comes down, with all intelligent people, on the side of "people need to make their own decisions about what’s unacceptable to them." Too bad he makes an ass of himself by saying that he doesn’t let his daughter "see games that have any guns in them," following on almost immediately by mentioning that she likes World of Warcraft.

You know me; I’m never in favour of centrally-enforced anything, much less censorship. And I’m glad to see that Wilson is bright enough not to compromise the artistic vision of the Diablo series just to appease busybody dipshits or to court a dubious expansion in the fan base.

Also noteworthy to me is where he talks about bashing the skeleton right out of some dude, and how something even as over-the-top gory as that got kind of stale and humdrum when they used it too much. That’s a nice insight: keep the really spectacular effects uncommon, or you’ll cheapen them and nobody will think they’re such big shit anymore.

August 26th, 2009 Posted by | Games | no comments

We’re too busy singing to put anybody down

One of the previously-unknown Diablo III classes has been unveiled, and, hey hey, it’s the Monkee. The gameplay trailer makes it look pretty fun (even with the limited skillset available in the current build), which is a plus since it’s most likely the class I’ll end up playing. I have this thing for fast melee holy warriors. Sue me.

Speculation is rampant about what the yet-unknown fifth class may be. The smart money’s on some type of ranged non-caster; Diablo had melee (warrior), ranged (rogue), and caster (sorceror), whereas Diablo II had fast melee (paladin), slow melee (barbarian), ranged (amazon), primary caster (sorceress), and pet caster (teenomancer). Diablo III so far has fast melee (monk), slow melee (barbarian again), primary caster (wizard), and pet caster (troll witch doctor), so all that’s missing is that ranged slot. I’ve heard rumours that it might be this, but I can’t guarantee anything.

Another thought — though highly whimsical — is that old favourite the bard. The bard is the only Hellfire class that hasn’t appeared in official Diablo games yet, so there’s that. On the other hand, Diablo is gothic fantasy, and the bard isn’t precisely dark, hey? Nor are they precisely dank. So I expect not.

Another possibility is a shifting class. It won’t be the druid, since that was in Lord of Destruction, and Blizzard stated that the barbarian is the only returning class. Some variation of the sha’ir could be fun, but highly unlikely.

Of course, if I had my way, we all know what it would be.

August 23rd, 2009 Posted by | Games | no comments

Judo chop!

Remember this?

Well, I found the Samurai Delicatessen video on Hulu. So here you are. See what I mean about the resemblance?

August 22nd, 2009 Posted by | Bullshit | no comments

I wish I could do that

August 20th, 2009 Posted by | Shock and awe | no comments


Mediocre Oakland Athletics outfielder Jack Cust has uncovered the truth about the Mitchell Report: it was a far-reaching conspiracy to bolster the Red Sox! As evidence, he offers the eminently deniable fact that no Red Sox appeared in the report, and the allegation that the only possible reason for this untruth to be the truth is that senator Mitchell stood to gain financially from it.

Here’s another potential reason. The Mitchell Report was mostly gleaned from information given by two trainers, neither of whom had ever worked with the Red Sox. If one were to pay attention instead of just mindlessly reacting, one might also notice that there are other teams lacking in much representation in the Mitchell Report. One may also notice that senator Mitchell himself denied that the report was comprehensive.

So, good work, Jack Cust! You win the 2009 Stupid Conspiracy Theory award, with a bonus award for lack of originality. Well played!

August 18th, 2009 Posted by | Baseball | no comments

Tear that shit up, Aldrin!

Taking a page out of Barry Zito’s playbook, American folk hero and two-fisted anti-asshole vigilante Buzz Aldrin has accepted $126 million from the Giants to suck recorded a song. The difference is that, while Zito’s song was a ridiculous oozy pop mess, Aldrin has recorded… well, it’s a rap song. It’s about going to the moon. You should just watch the video.

Remember when I first discovered that Aldrin was black? Just sayin’.

August 18th, 2009 Posted by | Bullshit | no comments

Get your Shatner on

I love that guy.

August 15th, 2009 Posted by | Bullshit | no comments

I know, but I had to