The Dord of Darien

Musings from the Mayor of the Internet


State of the Baseball

Let me make one thing perfectly clear: The Houston Astros need to shut the fuck up. Bud Selig’s decision to have two of your home games played in Milwaukee due to hurricane Ike rendering Minute Maid Park temporarily unsuitable for baseball did not kill your season. What killed your season was how much you fucking sucked after those two games. Or was I just not looking when you were forced to play that series against the Marlins in Milwaukee too? You know, the one where you got completely wiped out? And how about that loss to Pittsburgh — Pittsburgh! — on Saturday? Was that Bud Selig’s fault too?

Don’t get the wrong idea, now; I’m nothing if not sympathetic to dudes whose hometowns are presently being forcibly renovated by hurricanes. Hurricanes, tornadoes, monsoons, tsunamis, fire, flood, Godzilla, you name it, I’m sorry about it. And, yeah, it was a bit stupid for MLB to make you play last Sunday. Come on, Bud, admit it; that was a pretty idiotic decision. But the choice of venue? That’s where you start to lose me. You see, kids, it was the Cubs you were playing against. You really think a home game at Turner Field instead of Miller Park would have had more Astros fans in attendance? That’s just silly. The Red sox and the Yankees can carp on about their "nations" until they’re blue in the face — and they will, believe you me — but the fact remains that the Cubs have something a bit bigger than a nation. Picture it as some giant multi-national religious organisation. So if the Red Sox are France and the Yankees are Germany, the Cubs would be the Catholic Church. You get it?

Okay, sure, the Yankees would be France. But that’s not the point.

Also, hey Astros, if you felt bad about those two home games you had to play against the Cubs in Miller Park, how do you think the fucking Brewers felt about the nine such games they had to play? And do you see them goddamn crying about it even while they try to salvage their much more expensively-mortgaged playoff chase? No you do not. Crying about other things, yes. Sacking their manager pretty much arbitrarily, also yes. But they’re not crying to Bud because the evil baseball gods made them play nine home games with the other team’s fans massively outnumbering theirs. According to this chart here, you’re 3.5 back with 7 to play, so maybe it’s a bit early for goddamn boo-hooing anyhow. You have the godawful Reds and the Braves left to play, it’s a big old homestand, and the two teams in front of you in the wild card race have been completely terrible lately. And both still have to play the Cubs this season. So quit your stupid whining, dust yourselves off, and win some fucking games already. Then you can say, hey look, we beat you assholes anyway. And that’s way more satisfying than crying about how disadvantaged you are, believe me.

In other baseball news, picture me as the Red Sox, and I’m dry-firing my long-empty handgun at the dessicated zombie head of the New York Yankees and screaming "WHY WON’T YOU DIE?" That pretty much gives you the gist of what’s going on right now in the AL right now. The Rays have the East all but sown up, so here we have the Red Sox attempting to clinch the wild card, ONLY THEY CAN’T, because the Yankees stubbornly refuse to drop quite all the way out of contention. By losing to the Indians today, the Red Sox allowed the Yankees to survive for yet another day, and possibly threaten a wild-card tie (though against stunningly long odds). The best part is that the last series they’ll play this season is against each other. Wouldn’t it be a crack-up if the Yankees were still hanging on to that one game?

Boy, the Mets sure are bad these days. Can you believe our starting pitcher hit a goddamn grand slam against them today? If you believe that, do you also believe that it was off of their starter, and not their notoriously awful bullpen? And if you believe that, how about I sell you on the idea that it was goddamn Jason Marquis who did the slamming? Calling bullshit? No. Oh no.

September 23rd, 2008 Posted by | Baseball | no comments

No Comments »

No comments yet.

Leave a comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.