The Dord of Darien

Musings from the Mayor of the Internet


Kenny Williams on Jake Peavy

"He was going to be No. 1. If you have hopes to beat the best in the league, you better have the best in the league facing them. In our assessment, that’s what we had to do."

I suppose you’re right, Kenny, but you’re paying Jake Peavy $15M/year, and here’s a brief list of things he’s not doing while he enjoys his $15M/year:

• Beating the Indians
• Beating the Royals
• Beating the Tigers
• Beating the Twinkies
• Pitching at all, in fact

See, those of us who believe in the ridiculous fairy concept that you can build a better baseball team by paying attention to how good your players are at baseball often get accused of thinking that baseball is a computer simulation where a team composed entirely of acronyms is compared to a team composed entirely of ratios ten thousand times, and then the results are averaged and adjusted for imaginary things like ballparks not being the same, and then we hand out a trophy to one of the teams and declare it the World Champion Of Aggregationball To Something Approximating Likelihood With A Margin Of Error Of +/- 5%. But as detached from the gritty, gutty, intestiny reality of baseball as we sports-hating robot unfeelers can be, Kenny Williams has us all beat. He’s so detached from baseball reality that he really believes it’s a good idea to commit $15M/year for three years to a really really great pitcher who has the one minor, inconsequential flaw of: he’s not able to pitch any baseballs.

Good job, Kenny! I ran a simulation of me applauding your fine work, and the result of ten thousand trials suggests that you may be a nincompoop.

May 5th, 2011 Posted by | Baseball | no comments

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