I’m too tired to make fun of this
So I thought I’d just reprint and rearrange the choicest lines. From the dregs of this article, a much more entertaining article could have been written. It goes like this:
One day midway through the baseball season, San Francisco Giants closer Brian Wilson decided to grow a beard. He dyed it black without also dying the rest of his lighter hair, creating a variegated image of a brown mohawk and a midnight brown beard that looks as if he could have been colored with shoe polish. He is a rugged man, especially with the beard. In fact, it is so dark that "ridiculous" is the word Giants general manager Brian Sabean uses to describe it.
"And [Wilson] knows it’s ridiculous too," Sabean added.
"I get angry thinking this guy is trying to ruin my career and get me to lose," Wilson said.
Whenever he finishes a game, he turns away from home plate and makes an exaggerated crossing motion with his arms that he has said is to honor the MMA fighting culture, his rediscovered Christian faith and the memory of his father, who died when he was 17. Those who follow the Giants every day say he is crazy.
"He’s a closer," Sabean said with a shrug, as if that explained everything. "Closers are like placekickers in football."
"He told me to prepare for the last day he ever took a breath," Wilson said. Suddenly, he didn’t seem crazy at all.
No analysis today. Except to point out that I’d give every hair on my body for Brian Wilson’s father to be called Murray.
Oh, also, good ol’ reliable Steve Henson has apparently just discovered that Barry Zito is ridiculously overpaid. So you can always go read that stupid article and imagine the pithy remarks I’d be inserting.
