The Dord of Darien

Musings from the Mayor of the Internet

Get a load of this

I promise I’m not making any of this up.

According to a story in today’s Los Angeles Times by Bill Shaikin, Dodgers owners (or is it owner) Frank and Jamie McCourt hired a self-described "scientist and healer" to give "positive energy" to the team by watching games from his home outside of Boston.

If anybody’s interested in hiring a scientist and healer to direct negative energy at the Dodgers or the Fatinals or especially the White Sox by writing Ricklesian articles about them on a blog from his home outside of Boston, drop me a line.

The "psychic" is Vladimir Shpunt, 71, a Russian with "degrees in physics and a letter of reference from a Nobel Prize winner" who knows next to nothing about baseball.

Well, to be fair, the McCourts do have a history of hiring people who know next to nothing about baseball.

His compensation included a stipend, plus a bonus of "certainly six figures and even higher" based on the team’s performance. The Dodgers paid him from 2004-2008, and the McCourts hid this from the club’s executives.

Wh… holy shit. Six figures? And even higher? To do nothing but watch baseball and like channel some type of Dragon Ball Z energy through the tubes? I guess Joe Morgan isn’t the most overpaid baseball-watcher in the whole world after all.

According to Shaikin, Jamie McCourt was introduced to Shpunt in 2004, when she was suffering from an eye infection that almost caused her to lose sight in one eye.

Did he say if she was on some type of medication that made her a moron? Or was she always that way?

Shpunt used his energy to help treat Jamie, and the rest is history.

Come on, Lardieri. You’ve been doing well so far, but, seriously, that line needs some type of irony quotes or snarky asides or something. Since the way you wrote it makes it sound like you’re buying into this psychic chakra qigong kamehameha bullshit.

Also, I think somebody’s playing a joke on me. Your name is "Lardieri?" And the dude’s name is "Shpunt?" Am I on Candid Camera?

The McCourts used his services to also evaluate Jayson Werth’s injured wrist in 2005, as well as providing assessments of J.D. Drew, Milton Bradley, Jim Tracy and Paul DePodesta.

Given that time frame, I’m sort of assuming — since you don’t say — that he advised them to get rid of Drew and DePodesta and acquire Bradley and Tracy. Which is the exact opposite of the thing they should have done in every instance. Tee hee.

These are the same people who slash payroll, didn’t attempt to trade for Cliff Lee or Roy Halladay and refused to offer salary arbitration to Randy Wolf.

Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa. Fucking whoa there, cowboy. One of these things is not like the others. Randy Wolf is awful. At baseball. It’s not clear to me if it was 2007 or 2009 that they refused to offer him arbitration, but I’m not going to look it up, because: it doesn’t matter. It was the right decision both times. Randy Wolf made $4.75 million in 2008, and his ERA+ of 92 was worth a shiny wonderful 0.7 WAR. In 2010 he’s making an astonishing $8.8 million, and his ERA+ of 74 is good for exactly 0 WAR. He is a replacement-level player, and he’s making $8.8 million. So good on you, McCourts, for not paying him. And bad on you, Lardieri, for not knowing better.

Money for psychics and divorce attorneys, but not players?

You’ve gone off the crazy curve, Lardi. Those two things are not equivalent. When you have a dillion dollars, you kind of can’t get divorced without a divorce attorney or two. Whereas nobody ever needs a psychic for anything. I mean, anything except taking down a rogue Hitmonlee.

Commissioner Bud Selig also has some ties to this charade. Remember – he’s the man who practically gave the Dodgers to the McCourtsas a consolation prize for not winning the bid to buy the Red Sox. The McCourts clearly didn’t have the financing to buy either team, but Bud didn’t want to agitate Fox (MLB’s television partner) or impede their attempt to sell the Dodgers. Thanks, Bud!

Here we go — the requisite Bud-bashing. That fucking guy. Remember when he wouldn’t let the Cubs get obliterated by a hurricane for the benefit of the Astros? Asshole. Choker. Head-case.

Also, hey, the McCourts did all right, didn’t they? Dodgers have made the playoffs a few times under their watch. Shame about TEH COMSPIRACY, though.

Mark Cuban, are you watching all this?

If you are, hey, the least you could do is go back to the old Mavs logo. It’s pretty gay, but, seriously, Mark, have you seen the one you’re using? The 1990s are over, man. We can’t handle anything that XTR33M anymore.

June 10th, 2010 Posted by | Baseball | no comments

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