The Dord of Darien

Larry Wayne: still being a drama queen

Remember last year, when Chipper Jones was slitting his wrists in the press about what a sad sack he was for having a "horrible" year in which he posted an OPS+ of only 118? While placing an unconscionable fifth in the league in walks? Well, he’s at it again.

The Atlanta Braves’ third baseman still says he will walk away from the game if he can’t bounce back from a disappointing season. Jones, who will turn 38 in April, said this week he won’t hang around just to collect a paycheck if he’s no longer playing up to the standards which have made him one of the best switch-hitters in history.

To cut to the chase here: Chipper’s BABIP for last season was .287. His line drive rate was 19%. According to the standard BABIP formula (LDr+.120), his BABIP should have been .310. So, Chipper Jones: meaningfully unlucky in 2009. Now calm down, Larry, for fuck’s sake.

Count Atlanta Braves manager Bobby Cox among those who don’t believe Jones will walk away from two years and $28 million on his contract, which runs through 2012. He signed a three-year, $42 million extension last spring that includes an option for 2013.

Count perfectlydarien.com manager Darien among those who believe it would be a pretty asshole thing for Jones to do to walk out on his contract like that. If he had a good reason, that would be one thing, but for pride and ego? Sack up and do what you agreed to do, man.

Jones’ frustration and talk of retirement came after seeing his batting average drop 100 points last year. He led the National League with his .364 average in 2008 but fell to .264 last season with 31 fewer hits in almost 50 more at-bats.

Batting average is a dumb stat for dummies. But… we’ve covered this, yeah? Lower-than-expected BABIP == fewer hits due to fielders being in the right spot to make lucky snags on line drives.

Most baffling to Jones was he couldn’t blame his decline—including slight dips in homers and RBIs—on injuries. He played in 143 games—his high mark since 2003—and had 488 at-bats. He finished with career-low totals of 18 homers and 71 RBIs, down from 22 and 75 in 2008.

Would somebody teach Chipper Jones how to understand baseball before he starts listening to old Joy Division records and painting his fingernails black? Please?

Jones’ hits, runs, homers and RBIs have declined two straight years. His 22 errors last season were his highest total since 25 in 2000.

Bullshit bullshit bullshit zombie bullshit. I am calling so much bullshit on this I fully expect to see corn growing from it inside of a week. Whoever concocted this gross misuse of stats is a bad person and I am officially firing you. From everything. And I’m going to call St. Peter and make damn sure he puts a big red REJECTED stamp over your name in the Book of Life.

Chipper Jones, 2008: .364 / .470 (!!) / .574 / 1.044, 176 OPS+. He would have been an easy choice for MVP, except that he missed 34 games with injuries. The thing to say about Chipper Jones’ 2008 is "damn, shame he got hurt," not "oh look, he only got 160 hits in the process of getting on base half the goddamn time."

"I’m not going to stick around and be a role player. I’m not going to play the game just to earn a check. I want to produce. I want to be good. That’s all there is to it."

Hate to break it to you, Chipper, but if you keep on like this, not only will you become a role player, you’ll probably become a LARPer and start hanging out at Hot Topic.

March 1st, 2010 Posted by Darien | Baseball | one comment