The Dord of Darien

Musings from the Mayor of the Internet

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What up fools

So I took a week off. Sue me. I’m back in action, though, with some all-new venom and bile!

Mass Effect 2. You played that? I’ve talked about it once or twice. I’m doing it on replay to finish a few things off, and do some stuff I missed the first time through, and I notice I get to keep all my guns. That’s good. But apparently I don’t keep the upgrades. You know what that means? That means I get to fly around the galaxy mining for fucking iron ores all over again.

Here’s what I’d like to see, Bioware. I’d like to see you make a game — just once — that doesn’t display such an active hatred for your audience. We get it, guys. You’re probably all Adbusters nitwits and you’re just doing this to show your moral superiority to all of us consumerist sheeple. Or maybe you’re just idiots who think this sort of thing is fun. Who’s to say? But knock it the fuck off.

My Mass Effect 3 wishlist:

• Sex scenes more like the first Mass Effect, which is to say: present at all.
• Ditch the ammo. Or at least allow weapons to cool (i.e., regain ammunition) gradually over time.
• At least one team member who is a Volus, an Elcor, or a Hanar.
• At most no team members who are Batarians.
• Cheer up a little. I’d like a return to the heroic space opera motif; every damn game is dark and edgy. Being bright and heroic really set the original Mass Effect apart.
• Refine the skill system so that I don’t end up with one point I can’t spend. That’s just frustrating.
• Less dune buggy. More less iron ores.
• Give me a hub world like the original Citadel, and a main quest structure that doesn’t seem as random and disjointed as in Mass Effect 2.
• Both games so far have talked about the Elcor Hamlet. Now it’s time to show it!
• Did I mention more less iron ores? Because, seriously. Fuck iron ores.


February 28th, 2010 Posted by | Bullshit, Games | no comments

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