The Dord of Darien

Musings from the Mayor of the Internet

Ozzie Guillen likes to make shit up

You know what managers like to do? They like to have their pitchers bean the other team. Keeps ’em on their toes. Lets them know that this ain’t your goddamn granddad’s baseball game — unless I suppose your granddad was Ty Cobb — and don’t you forget it. Oh, also it makes them stand farther out from the plate so they hit fewer home runs. I guess that’s a plus also. Well, turns out that Crazy Ozzie would also like to have his pitchers hit some dudes, but, for some reason — probably related to how he’s crazy — he needs to tart it up with a whole bunch of fairy stories to make it sound like he’s a victim. I love how Yahoo Sports is completely unsympathetic here; it’s pretty clear they only ran that story to point out what a complete nutjob the man is, since they take pains to demonstrate that the White Sox haven’t really been hit by all that many pitches compared to the Indians, which is the exact team Ozzie’s whining about. Best part: "It gets to the point when they hit us seven times, 20 times in one week and we hit one and they’re the headhunters and that’s a (problem) with major league baseball."

The Indians have hit 32 batters all season long, which is a very easy number to find. So chances are Ozzie’s talking out his ass when he accuses them of hitting twenty of his batters in one week. Also, hey, Ozzie, here’s a neat thing you can do with Baseball Reference: you can look three columns to the left of HBP and find the BB column. There you can discover that the Indians have issued more walks than any other team in the American League, which tells you that their pitchers are bad. They are bad pitchers with bad control and they pitch badly. Way to pile-on there, Ozz. You crazy asshole.

Comedy epilogue: the White Sox have hit exactly two batters fewer than the Indians all season long. Two hit batters? Ozzie, you’re ranting about two hit batters? For fuck’s sake, man, just tell Buerlhe to plunk a couple dudes next time out, take some Pepto-Bismol, and chill the hell out.

August 9th, 2009 Posted by | Baseball | no comments

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