Carl Everett!
Crazy Carl’s in the news again. What’s he doing now? Is he denying that man ever walked on the moon because, hey, the Bible don’t say there’s any air up there? Perhaps he’s arguing that dinosaurs never existed, or that pi is exactly 3 and there ain’t no bones about it.
Oh, wait, no; actually he’s attempted-murdering his wife. That’s less funny, Carl, though arguably not less stupid. Insider’s tip: you’ll want a defense that’s a bit stronger than "she can’t prove I did it because it’s not in the Bible that way."
