That’s a wrap
Congratulations to your 2010 San Fransisco Giants on their first World Championship since — and I don’t know if you’ve heard about this, since absolutely nobody is talking about it — they left New York. Edgar Renteria, huh? Wow. Seems like only yesterday that I was accusing him of being a dead corpse and suggesting that he should be replaced by a leaf blower. And now look what happened! So good on him. But there’s something I’d like to talk about.
Remember when the Giants had two men on, and nobody out, and Aubrey Huff batting? Yeah? Big moment. You remember how Bruce Bochy had Aubrey Huff bunt? This is why Bruce Bochy is a goddamn incompetent.
Here, I’ll spell it out for you. Aubrey Huff is your best hitter. He leads the team in OBP. Second in SLG (by .003!). Leader, obviously, in OPS. Leads the team in WAR by a win and a half. Great hitter. Also, the owner of a .957 OPS in the World Series, so it’s not like he’s pulled a Pat Burrell and completely vanished lately. So everybody realises why it’s stupid to waste your absolute best hitter on a goddamn sacrifice bunt, right? Also, everybody remembers that, per Tango’s old run expectancy matrix — which doesn’t even take into account that the dude you’re sacrificing is your best hitter — your run expectancy with 12- and 0 out is greater than your run expectancy with -23 and 1 out, right? So, actually, Bochy is ordering his best hitter to make an out for the express purpose of reducing the number of runs his team is likely to score. Brilliant. Brilliant plan.
But, wait, it gets better. Go here. Look at the column headed "SH" — that’s Aubrey Huff’s career sacrifice hits. Notice anything? Like, a pattern of some sort? Like it’s turtles all the way down? That’s right! Aubrey Huff had exactly zero career sac bunts before last night. Now, as it turns out, he did get the bunt down — successfully converted an opportunity to get on base (38.5% chance) and drive in one or more runs into an out. Congratulations on that. But come the fuck on, Bruce Bochy. It was really a good idea to have your best hitter — who has never ever successfully bunted in his entire career — try a pointless, team-harming play in the most important PA he’s had all year? You, sir, are awful at your job.
And then two batters later Edgar Renteria hit a goddamn home run anyhow. Good thing those runners were moved over! Good thing Aubrey Huff sure wasn’t on base! Those are good things, at least, according to every sportscaster ever, since every single idiot one of them praised that bunt to high heaven, even after the home run rendered it utterly meaningless. You should all be fired and replaced with talking spreadsheets full of decimals.
