The Dord of Darien

Musings from the Mayor of the Internet

A funny thing happened at work the other day…

So one of my coworkers was talking to this little kid (probably, I dunno, eight or so) who had a question: "what’s in the birch beer?" My coworker’s reply was "well, it’s a lot like root beer, except that it’s made with…"

And then there was a big awkward pause. A pause which I improved upon by offering him five American dollars to tell this poor kid that it’s just like root beer, only it’s made with birch instead of roots.

My response would have been along the lines of "you know what’s in root beer, kid? That’s right: roots and beer. Now you tell me what’s in birch beer."

August 4th, 2010 Posted by | Bullshit, Food | no comments

Mega burn on Fangraphs

"I think most members of the BBWAA are smarter than Jon Heyman."

I would concur with this idea, Dave. But, then, I think most members of the igneous rock family are smarter than Jon Heyman.

I’d like to take this opportunity to remind Jon Heyman to fuck right off.

August 4th, 2010 Posted by | Baseball, Bullshit | no comments

Mr. 600

I’ve been watching every Yankees game for, like, nine years now waiting for A-Rod to hit his damn 600th home run. I suffered through Cleveland’s announcers for that entire series hoping that Saint Alexander would deign to end my torment, but it was not to be (and, seriously, fuck watching YES). And wouldn’t you know it? Like the gutless, un-clutch chokey chokemaster he is, A-Fraud elects to hit his homer during the one game — the one damn game — that took place while I was at work.

Fuck you, A-Rod. Fuck you on so many levels.

Am I the only one who thought that the reason A-Rod hadn’t hit a homer in 1400 plate appearances or whatever was because he got bored with the idea of being the youngest player ever to hit 600 and decided it would be more fun to be the oldest?

Somebody should make a carnival strength-tester game where you hit a ball with a bat and then it lights up your strength:

Bonds
Aaron
Ruth
Mays
Griffey
Sosa
A-Rod

That would be funny. Also, they’d get sued about a million different ways, and that would be funny too.

August 4th, 2010 Posted by | Baseball | no comments