The Dord of Darien

More like White SUCKS

I am very original and that joke has never occurred before.

So White Sox GM Kenny Williams is ranting and raving lately about how the team has "underachieved" this season, and how disappointed he is, and on and on. But have they? Have the White Sox underachieved? Well, if you look at their pythagorean, yes they have: by one whole win. They should be 74-78 instead of 73-79. Still in third place, though.

What else could Kenny Williams be talking about? I mean, I’m not stupid; I don’t think Williams has ever heard of pythagorean records or run differentials. I don’t really think that’s what he meant. Did he mean his pitchers weren’t as good as usual? I dunno; they’re in a three-way tie for league best ERA+, they’re fourth in WHIP (and the top four all differ by thousandths of a point), third in K/BB. That’s pretty good. What else is there?

Oh. Right. Hitting. That thing the White Sox have been trying to purge themselves of since 2005. The White Sox are second-to-last in the league in OPS+, and third-to-last in runs scored. So you could say they’re underachieving there, yeah? Honestly, I don’t think they are. Much like J.J. Hardy, they’re not underachieving: they’re just bad. Konerko and Dye are declining, and Dye’s had some tough luck this year. They traded Jim Thome. Do you see the rest of the clowns they’re filling their lineup with? For fuck’s sake, it’s getting to the point where Scott Podsednik almost is the best hitter on the team. Now that Thome’s gone, the ghost of Paul Konerko and British soccer sensation Gordon Beckham are the only regular players to post an OPS+ over 100. That’s bad.

The best part is how Williams "doesn’t regret" picking up Alex Rios. What’s wrong with you? I mean, yeah, this Brian N. Anderson dude you had in CF was no great shakes, even if he does sound like he’s playing under an assumed name. Is he a fugitive? Perhaps! But Rios has been worse. In 118 PA with the White Sox, Rios has posted an OPS+ of… 6. Six. 6ix. His VORP — which, if I never mentioned this, totally rhymes with DORP — is -14.1. His WARP1 is -1.3, meaning his very presence on the team has cost the White Sox a win and a third in the standings as compared to a AAA callup (1.2 wins worse than Brian N. Anderson, who was so busy searching for the one-armed man that he forgot to be worth anything to his team). You sure you don’t regret this move, Kenny?

No, I lied. The best part is how he still stands behind Ozzie Nutbar. Get this:

"You give 100 percent effort to close this season with dignity and the best fashion you can and so far we haven’t done that."

Yeah, Kenny. You sure haven’t.

September 23rd, 2009 Posted by Darien | Baseball | no comments

Me and Yogi

If I ever have the chance to interview Yogi Berra, I’ll ask him about the AL playoffs, since (obviously) he’s an ex-Yankee. But it’ll all be part of a sinister plan. When he starts talking about the Red Sox as the AL Wild Card, I’ll ask him "but Yogi, what about the Rangers?"

The reason for this, of course, is because I wish to have my ass kicked by an 84-year-old man.

September 23rd, 2009 Posted by Darien | Baseball | no comments

Edgardo Alfonzo did his job

… Back in 1999.

So I’m reading this article about the fabled Mets "Grand Slam single," and I get this excellent passage:

"The bottom of the 15th started off with an outstanding at-bat by Shawon Dunston, who, after fouling off pitch after pitch, lined a single to center. Next, McGlinchy walked pinch-hitter Matt Franco. The faithful Shea fans came back to life, as there were runners on first and second with no one out. Edgardo Alfonzo, who many argue was the best hitter on the 1999 ball club, put the team first and laid down a beautiful sacrifice bunt. Next, John Olerud was intentionally walked to load the bases for Todd Pratt, who had replaced an injured Mike Piazza. Pratt was walked on 5 pitches, tying the game up at three even."

Edgardo Alfonzo sacrificed runners over. He gave up a precious out — of which the Mets had exactly three remaining until they would be eliminated from all baseball activities for the rest of the year, remember — to accomplish exactly dick all. The opposing pitcher had no control. The batter before Alfonzo walked, and the two batters after Alfonzo walked. The intentional walk to John Olerud, in fact, rendered moot Alfonzo’s bunt; as long as Alfonzo does anything other than GIDP, those runners advance.

He really put the team first, there, by ignoring his .385 OBP and his .502 SLG and actively attempting to trade an out for the smallest possible amount of benefit.

September 23rd, 2009 Posted by Darien | Baseball | no comments