I am very original and that joke has never occurred before.
So White Sox GM Kenny Williams is ranting and raving lately about how the team has "underachieved" this season, and how disappointed he is, and on and on. But have they? Have the White Sox underachieved? Well, if you look at their pythagorean, yes they have: by one whole win. They should be 74-78 instead of 73-79. Still in third place, though.
What else could Kenny Williams be talking about? I mean, I’m not stupid; I don’t think Williams has ever heard of pythagorean records or run differentials. I don’t really think that’s what he meant. Did he mean his pitchers weren’t as good as usual? I dunno; they’re in a three-way tie for league best ERA+, they’re fourth in WHIP (and the top four all differ by thousandths of a point), third in K/BB. That’s pretty good. What else is there?
Oh. Right. Hitting. That thing the White Sox have been trying to purge themselves of since 2005. The White Sox are second-to-last in the league in OPS+, and third-to-last in runs scored. So you could say they’re underachieving there, yeah? Honestly, I don’t think they are. Much like J.J. Hardy, they’re not underachieving: they’re just bad. Konerko and Dye are declining, and Dye’s had some tough luck this year. They traded Jim Thome. Do you see the rest of the clowns they’re filling their lineup with? For fuck’s sake, it’s getting to the point where Scott Podsednik almost is the best hitter on the team. Now that Thome’s gone, the ghost of Paul Konerko and British soccer sensation Gordon Beckham are the only regular players to post an OPS+ over 100. That’s bad.
The best part is how Williams "doesn’t regret" picking up Alex Rios. What’s wrong with you? I mean, yeah, this Brian N. Anderson dude you had in CF was no great shakes, even if he does sound like he’s playing under an assumed name. Is he a fugitive? Perhaps! But Rios has been worse. In 118 PA with the White Sox, Rios has posted an OPS+ of… 6. Six. 6ix. His VORP — which, if I never mentioned this, totally rhymes with DORP — is -14.1. His WARP1 is -1.3, meaning his very presence on the team has cost the White Sox a win and a third in the standings as compared to a AAA callup (1.2 wins worse than Brian N. Anderson, who was so busy searching for the one-armed man that he forgot to be worth anything to his team). You sure you don’t regret this move, Kenny?
No, I lied. The best part is how he still stands behind Ozzie Nutbar. Get this:
"You give 100 percent effort to close this season with dignity and the best fashion you can and so far we haven’t done that."