The Dord of Darien

Musings from the Mayor of the Internet

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Titles of the insipid awfulness

Thinking about the mysterious upcoming Dragon Quest 10, I find myself wondering what awful, hackneyed subtitle the dipshits who translate it will tack on. Here are the four they’ve done so far:

Dragon Quest 4: Chapters of the Chosen
Dragon Quest 5: Hand of the Heavenly Bride
Dragon Quest 8: Journey of the Cursed King
Dragon Quest 9: Sentinels of the Starry Sky

Guys, I think I’ve solved their top secret title code. It goes like this:

(noun) of the (adjective) (noun)

Shit yeah Mad Libs. If I were in charge — and you know I am — here’s how it would work:

Dragon Quest: Battles of the Utmost Simplicity
Dragon Quest 2: Mirror of the Dog Princess
Dragon Quest 3: Cheat of the Valuable Soldiers
Dragon Quest 4: Grind of the Grindy Grindfest
Dragon Quest 5: Hours of the Endless Tedium
Dragon Quest 6: Mobs of the Significant Overpoweredness
Dragon Quest 7: Intro of the Inescapable Stupidity
Dragon Quest 8: Acting of the Trained Baboons
Dragon Quest 9: Dialogue of the Infinite Puns

And just for fun:

Final Fantasy: Ripoff of the Monster Manual
Final Fantasy 2: Torment of the Broken System
Final Fantasy 3: Game of the Unplayed Mystery
Final Fantasy 4: Angst of the Emo Paladin
Final Fantasy 5: Terror of the Angry Tree
Final Fantasy 6: Backdrop of the Ridiculous Opera
Final Fantasy 7: Models of the Insufficient Polygons
Final Fantasy 8: Thief of the Darien’s $50
Final Fantasy 9: Diarrhoea of the Redeemable Villains
Final Fantasy 10: Legend of the Dodgeball Knight
Final Fantasy 11: MMO of the Considerable Inferiority
Final Fantasy 12: Circles of the Meter Dance
Final Fantasy 13: Hair of the Racist Chocobo
Final Fantasy 14: Overhaul of the Same MMO

Special bonus prize that didn’t fit the format, but that I liked too much to ignore:

Final Fantasy 4: The Old Man Gets Wasted and the Kids Get Stoned


February 12th, 2011 Posted by | Games | no comments

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