Hey, Darien fans, have you heard my famous story? If you haven’t been following it, now’s a great time to jump in — it’s still a manageable size (just a hair under fifteen thousand words), and the next chapter doesn’t hit until Thursday, so you have a few days to get up to speed. Since it’s a blog, the older chapters are on the bottom, which is a little bit annoying; if anybody knows any decent plugins to create like a "digest" page that contains (or even just links to) all the chapters with the oldest ones on top, please let me know.
Seriously, read that shit. I absolutely 100% promise that it does not contain:
• Elfs
• Orcs
• Spider temples
• Amnesiac heroes
• Dark elfs
• Orcs and goblins and spider orcs cunningly renamed "darkspawn" so maybe nobody will notice
• Gaunt, crying women pining for their lost loves
• Wood elfs
Meanwhile, I promise it does contain:
• Violence
• Mayhem
• Sex
• Swearing
• Comedy
• Sneaky inside jokes that probably nobody but me will get, but, hey, there you are
August 22nd, 2010
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So I’m doing this thing. I’ve decided that, since I never seem to finish a novel, I’ll write a serial instead. That way, since it’s in discrete chunks, even if I never finish the whole entire thing I’ll still have something.
I’ve also decided to write it in blog format, so people can follow it and comment on it as it goes along. It’s over here, and you’re welcome to do whatever it is you people do when I write things. Print them out and hang them on the fridge, I guess.
August 6th, 2010
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So good ol’ Wario is in a bit of trouble lately. Maybe due to age or rough living, his health has been poor, and the big one finally happened: earlier today, Wario suffered a serious breakdown of some sort, but he was attended to promptly, and, after some quick maintenance and several hours of observation, they have him back to limping, though he’s not close to 100% yet.
Wario is the server perfectlydarien.com runs on. What did you think I meant?
The upshot is that I wasn’t able to roll the new feature I was going to roll today, since the server wasn’t (and still isn’t) working correctly. I’m hopeful that we’ll be back up to speed tomorrow, and I can deploy then. And, hey, I’m not as bad as the dipshit on the status board screaming in all caps that he demands 100% uptime — which is a pretty hefty demand to make from a service that costs like $7/month, Charles.
July 9th, 2010
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I’ve done up another of my award-winning internet video game reviews, this time of the Borderlands expansion The Secret Armory of General Knoxx. And because I’m really super, I won’t even make you spend ten minutes driving to get to it. All you have to do is click any word in this sentence except for that one.
May 10th, 2010
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I wrote some game reviews, if you can believe that. It’s been a little while. This time around, I covered Fallout 3, Borderlands, and The Zombie Island of Dr. Ned. They’re pretty much par for the course in terms of iconoclasm. Fuck you, internet consensus! I am mad with power!
May 2nd, 2010
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Are you sick and tired of reading The Dord of Darien for free? Well, as a service to the computer community — of which I am the goddamn mayor and don’t you forget it — I’ve partnered with Amazon.com to bring you a new exciting opportunity that’s expected to double in value over the next six months (though people can and do lose money): you now have the chance to pay money to read a crappier-looking version of this blog! Order today and you get the special introductory rate of only $1.99/month. It’s a no-lose situation, my friends! I mean, unless you count that two bucks, which you will definitely lose.
There’s a free trial also. So go ahead and sign up for that. Then, when you forget to cancel it, 30% of your two dollars will be mine.
April 2nd, 2010
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I added a bit to my Mass Effect 2 review talking about the sex scenes, which apparently slipped my mind last night when I wrote the thing. It’s there now.
February 1st, 2010
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I have finished effecting mass. You can find my wordy bullshit on the worthiness of said endeavour here. Is it worth playing? Well, I won’t spoil anything here, but I will say this: Elcor Hamlet. Now go read the review.
February 1st, 2010
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I actually wrote some new game reviews for a change! Crazy, right? I did Mass Effect and Dragon Age: Origins, and I even liked one of them! Which one could it be? Click here for the comedy shock answer!
December 7th, 2009
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I’ve just been moved to a new server as part of an experimental protocol — Dreamhost is stress-testing the awesomeness circuits on their new iron, and figured that, if they could handle my awesomeness, they’d be good enough to host everybody else’s flash-based portfolio sites. Or whatever all it is that other people use the internet for. So if anything’s broken, or if anything’s not working in a way that it was working before, let me know and I’ll stamp a big red FAIL on their report cards and send them off to their fathers. If anything’s not working that pretty much never did work, well, hey.
In other, related news, the new server I’m hosted on is called Wario.
March 29th, 2009
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